Rest in Relationships

This last week has been a great turn around from the previous weekend's meltdown, feeling overwhelmed with my role as a mom and stretched trying to meet my husband's needs while he works full-time and finishes his last semester to earn his B.A. in English Literature.  It had to have started with a prayer.  I was feeling so down Monday morning; unmotivated, discouraged.  I tried to pray myself out of it, look into my girls' precious faces to boost my spirits, but I was stuck.  I had to get up out of bed though.  I had to take care of my girls.  As I went about my morning routine, it's like a switch was turned on inside of me.  All of a sudden I was encouraged.  When my husband came home for lunch I asked him if he had prayed for me.  He had and I had felt it.  Feeling someone's prayer for you is an amazing experience.

Since then I've been able to enjoy life as a mom.  I've been able to have patience during disciplining my 2-year-old.  I've actually taken the time to cherish my 3-month-old instead of taking care of business (changing diapers, nursing), then putting her down to move on to the next task.  I think that may have been some of the source of my stress lately.  I think I've been too task-oriented since Adella was born.  When Leala was born, I took the time to just be with her.  Now that I've gotten back to relaxing with Leala and making sure I spend relational time with Adella, I have more peace in my life.  I was recently going through my notes from last year's Mom Heart Conference since I won't be able to go this year, and one of the things Sally Clarkson had shared was that, "Busyness creates harshness."  I know that's true in my life.

So instead of seeing Leala burying herself in a pile of clean laundry that needed to be sorted, folded and put away as a hindrance to me getting a chore done, I had fun laughing with her each time I "found her" hiding in the heap of clothes.  Instead of busying myself with tasks, I've enjoyed taking the time to stroke Adella's soft cheek, pet her furry head, do things that make her smile, let her practice gripping with my fingers, show an interest when she tries to talk.  When Leala has reached her arms up to me communicating that she wants me to pick her up, bring her to the couch and snuggle with her while we watch a movie, I haven't bypassed her because I have things to do.  Instead I've been thankful for the fact that God made her to be a snuggler and have taken the time to encourage that part of who she is.  And as I've been taking the time to enjoy my relationship with my girls, I've been blessed to watch the relationship that's been blossoming between Leala and Adella as sisters.

Another relationship I've found rest in this week is my one with God.  Since I've started my 4-month Bible reading plan on Monday, I've felt God speaking to me a lot more than I've allowed Him time to previously.  Being disciplined in this area has definitely had a positive impact in my life. That impact would also include how I interact with my husband.  There's been less tension and better communication.  [laughs] It's almost a joke now, when I'm easily irritated, disrespectful or stressed, Gregg will ask me, "Did you read your Bible today?"  I definitely feel a difference when I do.  And it shows, like it has this past week, in the way I relate to my girls and my husband.  When I allow God the time to fill me up, I most certainly have what I need to pour out in to others.

Field[s] Goal

Recently I read about one of my friends accomplishing Goal #49 on her list.  I knew her blog was kind of geared toward having goals, but I didn't realize she had an official list, so out of curiosity I checked The Goals list out.  Pretty fun.  Pretty inspiring.  Reminds me of the character Jamie's To-Do List in the movie A Walk to Remember [watch here].  I may start an official Field[s] Goal list on here.  I mean, getting to do a play on words with our family name is enough of an incentive!

Based on the list of goals I started for 2012, I guess our family going to the park on Saturday would count as accomplishing Goal #3: Get the girls outside once a day... at least for that one day.  And you know, sometimes to accomplish goals, you need to amend them so that they're doable.  Baby steps, right?  So we decided that we'd try to make it our goal that on Sundays we would pack a lunch and take the girls to the park after church.  It's kind of like our dating goal; we're going to try to at least plan it for once a month.  "If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones [Luke 16:10]."

Now, I gotta take a moment to be honest here.  These fun, happy family snapshots... they don't tell the whole story.  The "rest of the story" is what I usually like to leave out when I write.  When I come on here to post, I like to point out the positive in my life.  Even when I decide to be a bit transparent on here about what's heavy on my heart, I like to end things with some light at the end of the tunnel.  But you know what, sometimes being honest about real life gives others hope when they realize that they're not alone in their struggles.  So yes, we had fun at the park feeding the ducks and playing on the playground but behind-the-scenes were two-year-old tantrums, a fussy baby, a couple of stressed parents and a mommy melt down.  I actually had two melt downs this weekend which reminded me of a parenting quote I had just read:

"... you've got to stay connected to the Lord if you're going to have His strength, His grace, His joy, to serve your family.  If you neglect your relationship with Him, then your love for your children will wane because Christ is the source of love.  If you're not letting Him fill you with His love, then you're going to come to a place where your love runs out."

[Parenting With Purpose with Nancy Leigh DeMoss] 

So here's to Goal #15: Read through the Bible in 4 months.  I know this may seem to go against what I said at the beginning about setting small goals, but I did a Bible reading plan like this about 7 years ago and it was so beneficial to my devotional life!  With my husband starting his last semester of school tomorrow, that'll earn him a BA in English Literature, I was motivated to customize a Bible reading plan that would start tomorrow and end on Gregg's graduation day in May.

"To intentionally cultivate discipline in your life, you must have goals. Not just dreams, not just lofty ambitions, but specific, realistic, achievable goals. If you don’t know where you’re aiming, you’ll lack direction and purpose."

[21 Days to a More Disciplined Life: Discipline Requires Goal-Setting] 

Where the Heart Is

watercolor State Love prints by poppyandpinecone

Since I sat down to start this post yesterday, I've gone through a gamut of emotions from anxiousness, to reassurance, to sadness, to being encouraged.  This inner wrestling with my heart actually started last Sunday.  I was in denial about the possibility of being moved across the country this summer for my husband's Ph. D program, if he gets accepted.  I've been very content with my life here in California and very thankful that we have such a great church to fellowship and serve with and family close by to share the holidays and other special occasions with.  That Sunday I was eager to go to church to hear our friend share about his trip to China that went from about a 3 week trip with a group of friends to staying a total of about 5 months longer to teach English.  As he shared about his inner struggle with wanting to come back to his life in the U.S. and God speaking to his heart about his willingness to stay in China, it seemed to expose my own heart's struggle.  It felt like God was trying to prepare my heart to be sent too, away from my family, somewhere unfamiliar and foreign to me.  By the end of our church service, I was no longer in denial and accepted what seemed to be what God was speaking to me.  On the way home, I shared my thoughts with my husband and came to discover that my changed heart about moving was an answer to his prayers just that morning.  When you get confirmation like that, that you have actually heard from God, it's pretty exciting.

But then this week, out of curiosity, I started searching apartments in Pennsylvania, starting in Pittsburgh.  However, the apartments I was finding were old and dark and all I could think was isolation!  My sense of adventure and travel and excitement about being sent on a mission were dashed by the realities that I would be spending most of my time in an apartment, and what looked to be dark caves.  All my dreams about living out in the country were replaced by these small, compact boxes and run down images of the city I was seeing.  Ha, what was I thinking?  It's not like we were moving in with the Amish!

I woke up yesterday morning anxious, wanting to freeze time so I could stay in my beloved, sunny California.  I didn't want to get any closer to having to move away from all my comforts.  Later I remembered that I needed to do my devotions, so I continued where I was in the Psalms and was stunned when I read:

"Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage."

 - Psalm 84:5

Yeah, maybe God's trying to get a message across to me?  I don't think I can brush of these clues anymore as coincidences.  And then get this.  I go grocery shopping that evening and in the baking isle of the store there stands a woman wearing a gray PENN STATE sweatshirt.  I thought to ask, "Did you live in Pennsylvania?  How did you like it there?" but I didn't have enough guts to strike up a conversation with a stranger (I'm working on that).  If I had a cell phone, maybe I would have at least somehow secretly snapped a shot of her sweatshirt for this entry.  Either way, it really has become comical how many times Pennsylvania has come up.  I mean, we'll hear about Arizona, Texas and Maryland from time to time and Gregg and I will jokingly give those states "points" for the possibility of moving there, but Pennsylvania got the University of Pittsburgh on our caller ID and an official PENN STATE sweatshirt!  That's not even counting all the times I've been like, "Let me guess... that book was published in Pennsylvania," or "No way!  That movie was filmed in Pennsylvania?!"  I'm starting to feel like Jim Carey's character in Bruce Almighty: "God, please give me a sign!" or more humorously, Steve Carell's character in Evan Almighty: "GEN 614."

This was the zinger Gregg wanted me to share - we're reading through Robin Jones Gunn's new book Love Finds You in Sunset Beach, Hawaii and last night I read:

"She wanted to stay where she was and find new ways to serve there so she wouldn't have to leave all that had become familiar."

From an outside perspective I'm reading Sierra Jensen's story, excited for her, knowing what's coming up, having caught some glimpses into what God has planned for her, while she's stuck in one of the first chapters of her story, sad about her situation, unable to see what lies in the pages ahead.  Well, God has the outsider's view of my life as well, and He knows the good plans He has for me and my family.  I have to remember:

"No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly...

Blessed is the man who trusts in You!"

- Psalm 84:11-12 

As my mom encouraged me this morning, I need to look back and remember God's faithful provision for me in the past so I have the confidence I need to trust Him for my future.  And as my husband reminded me, though I may not know what the future holds, I do know what my mission is now:  to support my husband through this next semester of school and be faithful to take care of our girls and our home.  Be faithful, be obedient, be willing...

Once Upon a Date Night

Friday night, Gregg and I got to go on a date!  1 Babysitting Offer + $50 Gift Card = A Few Hours to Ourselves!  Some awesome friends of ours from church offered to babysit our girls so we could go on a date, so we planned it and we actually did it!  Now, you have to understand what a big deal this is.  Dating... hasn't been something we've been good at doing from the very beginning.  First off, our relationship started out long-distance.  I was here in California and Gregg was living in Texas.  When I flew out to Texas to meet Gregg and his family and friends, our first "date" was going grocery shopping.  I'm not sure if Gregg paid for the art museum we visited later that week, but his mom helped fund a lunch date by the lake.  There are two main reasons I believe our dates have been so few and far between: 1) The belief that a date has to cost money (that we don't have) and 2) Lack of time/planning.

Well, our goal this year is to at least have a date once a month and to plan it as close to the 2nd of the month as possible since Gregg's usually really good at remembering what we like to call our wedding "month-aversaries" (we got married June 2, 2007).  Since we look forward to remembering the 2nd of each month and wishing each other a happy month-aversary, we figure that significant date will help us remember to plan a regular date night.  Something else I think that will help us make time for dates is for Gregg to realize that it doesn't have to cost extra money and for me to realize that we don't necessarily have to go out.  Having a date night might mean stringing some white lights out in our patio and enjoying a cup of homemade coffee or eating a special dessert in our dining room by candlelight or snuggling on our couch to watch a borrowed or checked-out-for-free-from-the-library movie.  I think the important thing is that we make a habit of carving out special time for just the two of us to reconnect in a relaxing environment.

So Friday... we got to eat out at On the Border.  The wait was supposed to be 20 minutes, so we took a little stroll around the restaurant.  On the way, Gregg noticed an engraving in the cement that had the year he was born and his middle name.  Kinda interesting, so I took a picture.  The moon was almost full and so pretty.  [laughs] I accidently took a picture of the sidewalk we were walking on, but it turned out, so why not post it up?  Right when we walked up to the restaurant's front entrance to wait the rest of the time in a warmer place, the hostess opened the door and called Gregg's name; perfect timing!  We enjoyed sitting in a booth, side by side, eating yummy Mexican food and just talking about stuff.  We still had some time to hang out after we were done eating, so we looked through our coupons in the car and decided to go to Coldstone.  There I got to ask Gregg if he had any goals or personal vision for 2012 since I got to share with him my New Year's verse and I enjoyed our pastor sharing his vision for our church the week before.  I was surprised and excited to hear that what has been on Gregg's heart is:  1) Finishing Well (specifically his last semester of school which will earn him a B.A. in English Literature and 2) Living On a Mission.  I love the second one he shared because I remember a teaching I heard awhile ago where the pastor said that all Christians should live their lives like they're on a mission, not just those who have chosen being a "missionary" as their profession.  Recently, in Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's book A Love That Multiplies, I read:

"Ten-year-old Jed, making his second trip to El Salvador... said... 'I want to come back next year.  I think God might be calling me to be a missionary someday Mama.'

I told him, 'Jed, you're a missionary right now, wherever you are.  You're serving God right now...'"  

{p. 38} 

I loved that perspective, and this is coming from someone who does have foreign, overseas missions experience.  I've been a missionary to Mexico and Ukraine and believe that I'm still a missionary in my own home, should be in my own town, and will be to anywhere God sends me to do His work, whether in my own country or someone else's.  Every day God has a mission for me... should I choose to accept it.

Those Good Ol' Goals

Leala got an Alphabet Games DVD from one of my aunts for Christmas and it has definitely helped to add more words to her vocabulary.  One of her new favorite words from the DVD is "Goal" which is a highlight for the letter "G."  It goes more like "Goooaal" and we have fun seeing who can say the word the longest, which once I pass her [way] up, gets Leala laughing.  I thought posting up a screen shot of the word "Goal" would be a fun way to blog about mine for 2012.  So here's my online checklist:

• Get the day started with prayer and reading my Bible
• Read more with Leala
• Get the girls outside once a day
• Start potty training Leala
• Stay up-to-date with my girls' monthly development (through What to Expect)
• Work my way down to a healthy weight according to my BMI
• Be more faithful with weekly meal planning and grocery shopping
• Discover different kinds of food to cook for my family
• Find more ways to save our family money
• Keep being supportive of my husband's schooling
• Try to plan at least once-a-month dates with my husband
• Enjoy reading through some more books with my husband
• Get more organized with scheduling (with the help of these free downloads)
• Stay in better touch with family and friends

One of my personal philosophies is, "Life is too short to not follow through with your good intentions."  Regularly reminding myself of how short life really is, helps give me the motivation I need to make my life as productive, impactful and beneficial as possible.

I love this quote from my 2008 The Purpose Driven Life calendar:

"You weren't created just to consume resources - to eat, breathe, and take up space... You were created to add to life on earth."  {Rick Warren}

"We are... created... to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  {Ephesians 2:10, NIV} 

P.S. I just found out that one of my husband's goals for this year is that we tune into Focus on the Family's daily radio broadcast.  We're now listening to this one.

Lookey What I Found!

I went to refer to my calendar from last year to see what birthdays were coming up in January, and look at what verse was on it!  I literally went [gasp]!  Right there in print was the first half of the New Year's verse I believe God gave me for 2012!  That's what I like to call God's sense of humor!  It's also what I believe to be the proof God leaves that He's a personal God.  =)